Idiot
by LeapYearKisses
Summary: Kanda catches cold while travelling for a mission and Allen figures out how to be nice. Gen.


Disclaimer: I do not own Inception!

Originally written for the Sneeze Fetish Forum. :)

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Allen had never been one for boats. Oh, sure, they were lovely to look at. He didn't deny that the sight of an English clipper in full sail could be quite majestic. Nor did he deny that they were fun to ride on, for a little while at least. Skimming over the blue waves, facing boldly out at the horizon… It was really quite enjoyable. His hatred for boats stemmed from several recent facts.

Number one: He had been sailing on a boat for almost a month, all over the coast, with very little personal space.

Number two: Kanda was his cabin-mate.

Number three: It was pouring buckets, and had been for three days.

Before it had started raining, he and Kanda had been managing to avoid each other quite well. When it was fair weather, Allen helped the sailors with their work or talked with Lenalee on the deck. Kanda meditated in their room or kept watch for akuma in the crows' nest. They took their meals at different times and got by without saying a single goodnight. Despite Lenalee's adorable protestations that such behavior wasn't healthy, they both liked it fine. They could function.

Since it was so stormy, however, the two exorcists had been rubbing elbows at every corner. It was uncomfortable, not to mention annoying, when Kanda walked in on him changing or decided he was going to practice his kata while Allen was trying to read. Their fighting had reached new levels of spite, so much so that Lenalee had had to declare "Quiet Time" more than once, just to stop the captain from throwing them both overboard.

So Allen was glad when Kanda started to take the night shift of the watch.

Lenalee… not so much.

"Allen, are you even paying attention to me?"

"Huh?" Allen paused in his food-inhalation and peered up past a handful of buttered bread. "Of course, Lenalee. I just don't see how it's any of my business." As soon as the sentence left his mouth, he knew it had been the wrong thing to say. "I mean-"

_Thwack!_ Though not as imposing as her clipboard, Lenalee's hand still posed a substantial threat.

"Ow!"

"Kanda-kun is outside in the rain right now, just because you can't get along with him." She frowned, wrinkling her pretty nose, and, ignoring his truthful assertions that Kanda did a lot of the disliking himself, continued. "I'm worried about him."

Allen rubbed his head and said nothing.

"I'm going to bring him some hot dinner."

Allen swallowed his mouthful of bread and waved a hand at her to get her attention. "Lenalee, that's a terrible idea. It's raining cats and dogs out there! You'll get wet. Besides," and here he half-raised his hand to protect his head, "Kanda can take care of himself! You know he'll only get mad if you go out there…"

She sighed and sat down again on the wooden bench, dropping her head into her hands and placing her elbows on the table. "I know… But he hasn't had anything warm to eat for a few- Oh!" She blinked, then smiled one of her radiant smiles. "You can bring it to him. That way, I'll stay dry, and he won't think I think he's weak."

"Lenalee…" This was an even worse plan.

"No buts, Allen-kun. Besides, as you're fond of saying, he already hates you."

And since Allen couldn't refuse Lenalee, he found himself putting on his cloak in a futile attempt to stay dry, and carrying a covered dish out onto the deck. The rain was lashing across the boards so quickly that it looked like there was a fog hovering a few inches up. Like he was traversing some kind of dark and gloomy forest with masts instead of trees. And, in a forest, you always had to look out for wild animals. Like panthers…

"Kanda?" Allen could just make out the boy's black silhouette against the swirling background of storm clouds. The exorcist was standing stoically at the prow of the ship, gazing, Allen supposed, at the indistinct horizon. Though he hadn't bowed to the wind completely, Allen could see that he was up against a bank of barrels, sheltering somewhat from the gale. "Oi! Kanda!"

The older boy turned his head minutely to acknowledge the sound, revealing a pale, sharp nose, before facing front again. Allen gritted his teeth at the perceived condescension, but clamped his arm around his parcel and grimly marched forward.

"What do you want, _moyashi_?" Curt as usual, Kanda didn't bother to look at him, even though they were side by side now.

"It's _Allen_, you dimwit," snapped the boy, trying to muster enough insolence to piss Kanda off, though by now his teeth were chattering. "And you should be more polite to people who bring you things."

"What?" And now the almighty Kanda lowered himself to look, his face almost white in the darkness. His hair whipped around behind him like angry snakes.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Allen sniffed.

"Listen, twerp, I'm busy. If you have something to say, theh- heh…" Kanda's eyes narrowed. And then he turned away, raising his arm as if to ward off a jumping dog. "Hghxx!"

If Allen hadn't known better, he would have called it a sneeze. However, since the ever-impervious Kanda did not get sick, did not stay injured, and certainly _was not weak_, he let it be. For the moment.

"Here, take this so I don't have to hold it anymore." He thrust the dish at the older boy. "It's dinner." Before Kanda could ask if it was poisoned, he said "Lenalee made me."

"Fine." Kanda reached out a hand for it, rubbing the bridge of his nose with the other. However, it seemed that whatever was bothering him wasn't through yet. As soon as he had the food safely in his grip, he turned again, this time pitching forward a little with the force of the sneeze. "Hehchggh!"

Allen blinked, and then smirked. "I guess what they say isn't true. Fools _can_ catch colds."

"_Urusai_!" Kanda was glaring at him now, but the effect was somewhat diminished by a rather pitiful sniff. "It's the weather."

"Uh-huh," said Allen, as Kanda stifled another sneeze. "You know, you're going to explode your head if you keep doing that. I'm not sure your brain can take that much abuse."

"Do you want to die?" But the threat wasn't as strong as usual, since it was muffled by Kanda's sleeve. The exorcist had apparently decided that it would suffice for a handkerchief. Allen cringed a little. "I'm perfectly fine, _baka_ _moyashi_. Go away and mind your own busine-ehh… Hehchishoo!"

"Bless you." Allen took a little bit of pleasure in Kanda's reddening cheeks, but was beginning to feel a bit sorry, as well. He could see that Kanda was shivering, though the boy was trying hard to hide it.

"No thanks. Hetchxxihh!"

"Do you want to go in? I could take the rest of your-"

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine?" Kanda was drawn tighter than a bowstring by now, and he was shaking, though Allen couldn't tell whether it was from cold or anger. Or exhaustion.

Allen shrugged. "If you're sure." If Kanda couldn't see reality, it wasn't his problem. A little cold wouldn't kill that jerk anyway. He spun around to go, wrapping his coat tighter.

…Behind him, it seemed Kanda wasn't really any better…

"Hetchoo! Ehheggh… Etchoo etchoo, _ch-chikusho…_"

Allen almost turned back around.

"Heh…heihh…"

He had to say that Kanda's pre-sneeze face was quite amusing. His nose was all scrunched up, and his dark eyes were only half lidded. His mouth, of course, was hanging open. Allen wondered if rain was getting in.

"HecheSHOO!" It was only a split-second's foresight that had Kanda put his dinner down on a barrel before he again pitched forward, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the ship's railing.

"Goodness!" Allen blinked. "_Bless_ you, Kanda!" He returned to the prow, caught somewhere between pity and annoyance. "Would you go inside, already? You need to go to bed before Lenalee finds out you're sick."

"I'm not sick," muttered the boy, but it lacked any conviction. Kanda at least appeared to know what was in his best interest. He picked up his dish. "You're just worried that she'll beat your ass for keeping me out here."

Allen bristled. "You came out here by yourself! And I'm trying to be nice! So shut up and listen for once in your pigheaded life."

"Che."

"There are towels on the shelf."

"I know where they are. What do you think I am, an ih- hechxx!"

Allen fought down the urge to laugh and leaned against the barrel-tower wind block. "Nope. You're obviously not an idiot."

"Che!"

"Probably a moron, though." And Allen ducked his head, but no blow was forthcoming. Instead, it seemed as though Kanda had gone in, off to warm up and perhaps sleep a little. He smiled. That was fine. They could be friends when no one was around to see.

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Reviews are lovely!


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